Already dreading saying goodbye… December 1, 2008

Well Thanksgiving has come and gone. I must say I handled it surprisingly well, emotionally, that is. I have never missed Thanksgiving with my parents and the gnawing at my brain that I would not be present at next years gathering was weighing heavy on my heart. Now as Christmas time approaches, this all seems so very real.

Those of you who know me, know I am not a big traveler. “My country tis of thee..” that is my motto. I have never really held large dreams or aspirations to see other countries. Part of me is excited at what England has to offer us but it is a pretty small part of me.

I have had my mind wrapped up in getting things done and have not really spent a great deal of time mulling over all this. But this, this is where the rubber meets the road. Will I practice what I preach? Will I have the faith it will require to leave everything I have ever known?

We talk about submission so cavalierly. We say that we must “Submit to our husbands.” But do we really mean that. Sure it is easy to submit over choices for dinner or whether or not a child should be allowed to go over to a friends house but can we REALLY submit in the BIG things. The life altering things. And when I say submit, I mean to do it with, as I tell my children, “The right heart attitude.”

Oh sure, I will pack my family and I will go to England but will I go with a smile in my heart. Will I go rejoicing? Do I really trust that submitting to my husband is the essence of submitting to my heavenly father? Do I really believe that he is in control here?

I have been extremely blessed to have a loving Christian family and I have also been blessed with phenomenal Christian friends that have become family. To walk into a new country (secular one at that), with differing religious labels and differing culture and no one is a scary thought.

This truly is when we see if I truly rely on Christ. He will be sustainer. He will be my father my friend and my strength. When my children are homesick and my own heart is broken he will have to pour his love out of me and into them. He will have to be the translator of cultures, the leader of the blind into his church and the helper to the helpless.

I know my God will meet all my needs but I am already dreading saying goodbye. Saying goodbye to family and to friends. Leaving behind my security and my comfort zone.

Lord grant me the strength to walk away from these treasures in my life. Remind me of your purpose for me and of my calling to thee to merely submit. Restore the JOY of my salvation and help me to rejoice even in moments I do not clearly understand. Father, I am weak and “prone to wander” and I need you to grasp me and hold my face unto your own. Neither let me look right or left but only unto you.